On the American workday

I haven’t felt inspired to write or inspired to make the time for it. 

I have been teetering on the verge of burnout for several years. On one hand, I feel passionate and curious about life and on the other I feel tired and unworthy. Lately, I have been questioning a lot - questioning where I spend my energy, time, focus, my relationship to work, society, partying, substances, and romantic relationships with men.

I have been trying to seek alternate viewpoints and truly critically analyze why nothing ever feels like enough. Why does taking a break feel like complete guilt? My hours spent at work are not ever an entirely productive stretch of 8-10 hours.

I have always questioned the reality that was delivered to me from a young age. I remember, in 7th grade, I was in my second to last year of CCD, a Sunday school for Catholics, completely questioning the assignment I was given around pro-life values. I thought to myself, haven just gotten my first period, that if I was raped and became pregnant from it, I would be agreeing that I should keep the baby. No way. That would ruin my life, I thought. This is when I realized that sometimes our leaders do not have our best interests in mind and that most people do not think critically about the information they are told is to be true. 

Recently, some inklings I have come to is that our society, capitalism, the average work day and work week is not fit for human consumption. I know I am not alone. I did research and more and more American workers are feeling burnout and signs of depression. It is causing me major distress. I don’t want to come home after work and keep this crazy structured schedule of either choosing to rest, work on music, writing, feed myself, or exercise. I am taking medications to help me cope with the constant stimulation. To sleep, to stay awake. I am SO EXHAUSTED.

Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally. Exhausted. And I consider myself lucky with the schedule and flexibility around my day job. But that is not enough. Something deep and structurally must change. 

We have a society that idolizes busy-ness, productivity, and material success. I am finding less people are prioritizing community and connection  because we just don’t have the time in our schedules. The workday keeps us away from each other. It treats people like machines. It is making us collectively depressed.

I dream of a world where I can feel free and safe to spend my time exploring what makes me feel curious rather than hustling to make money and show how much I am doing. I want to make an impact so I must work in the confounds of what is currently my reality so I continue to persevere. 

My goal right now is to find more space for rest and balance and to inspire you to do the same. We are not cogs in a machine. We are human and our time is finite. We are here to connect and create. You are worthy despite your productivity. Take some time to rest and love yourself today.