On Romantic Rejection

“My worth is not determined by people that cannot see it.” I take a deep breath and tell myself this as my anxious and repetitive thoughts spiral out of control. “My worth is not determined by someone who cannot see my soul.”

 Then it creeps back in,  “If you were good enough, they would be interested. If they liked you, they would reach out.” I think, as unnervingly check my phone again to a blank screen.

I try to bring awareness to this storyline, but I often get caught up in it after a rejection, especially a romantic one. Dating in my twenties has caused this trauma and massive anxiety that I expect to be abandoned because it has happened more times than I can count. I wonder which aspect of my childhood upbringing led to me to my inveterate choice in partners that often ultimately ends up in demise.  

We are all rejected in different ways, from different people, and sometimes, we are the ones doing the rejecting. It brings out intense emotions, a painful blow to the ego that often makes us question our worthiness as humans. 

For me, the storyline is repeated, loud, and spirals. “Why can’t they see how amazing I am? Maybe they found someone better, who is more beautiful and successful.” Then I am in pain. All from my own stories and thoughts. 

But that’s all they are, thoughts and storylines in response to pain. The truth is, you don’t really know what the other person is thinking. You don’t know how their past experiences and traumas and how they view you from those set of experiences. If someone can’t see your worth, why do you want to stick around anyway? 

The challenge is to know and feel your worth at baseline, before you apply for a job, date a new person, or do anything that makes you feel vulnerable. Vulnerability is amazing and showing who you are should excite the right people, not scare them away. You are worthy because you are here. Your presence and set of experiences make you unique and sometimes your uniqueness does not jive with someone else’s. And that’s okay, because you are worthy despite someone’s inability to see it.